WOW God thanks for the conviction! Lol
So I had a mental breakthrough last night that I have to admit, I have had before, but this time I am writing it down so that when I forget and start to drift, I can come back and remember again.
Just a side note to my brothers and sisters. Do yourselves a favor and write things down! Get a prayer journal or take notes on your phone (that’s what I like to do), so that even if something means nothing to you now, when the storm comes you will be prepared and have something to reference back to and it will mean something to you then!
Anyways, my breakthrough. I can not believe myself sometimes. I am convinced beyond any doubt that I am not still idolizing my ex husband and focusing on him. For sure, because I mean I haven’t talked to him in a week and when we talk it’s just logistics of the divorce. How can I possibly still be focused on him? Not even realizing that still, my goal has been Gods promise for a future instead of it being God! Girl snap out of it! I need to focus here and move forward. My life right now looks like this – Christian woman, single, mom of 2, business owner. I have to live that life, not the future life! Maybe God made me a promise. Maybe I am anxious and anticipating it. But that is what got me in this mess from the start – idolizing the marriage instead of worshiping the Lord.
Isaiah 44:16-23 talks about a carpenter who chops down a tree to make an idol.
16 Half of the wood he burns in the fire; over it he prepares his meal, he roasts his meat and eats his fill. He also warms himself and says, “Ah! I am warm; I see the fire.” 17 From the rest he makes a god, his idol; he bows down to it and worships. He prays to it and says, “Save me! You are my god!” 18 They know nothing, they understand nothing; their eyes are plastered over so they cannot see, and their minds closed so they cannot understand. 19 No one stops to think, no one has the knowledge or understanding to say, “Half of it I used for fuel; I even baked bread over its coals, I roasted meat and I ate. Shall I make a detestable thing from what is left? Shall I bow down to a block of wood?” 20 Such a person feeds on ashes; a deluded heart misleads him; he cannot save himself, or say, “Is not this thing in my right hand a lie?” 21 “Remember these things, Jacob, for you, Israel, are my servant. I have made you, you are my servant; Israel, I will not forget you. 22 I have swept away your offenses like a cloud, your sins like the morning mist. Return to me, for I have redeemed you.”
I know this example seems foolish to us in this culture. Who bows down to a block of wood that they made with their own hands? Seriously? I mean who would do that? So why does it seem less foolish then when we need a newer nicer car? I mean, someone made that right?! Or you need the newest phone, a better career, the prettier nicer wife…you’re starting to get it right? I’m not saying that things in this world are not great. God made all things and all things can be good, but when you worship those things over and above God, they become an idol. Yep, even a promise can be an idol. Even a marriage.
God I don’t want this anymore. Take this burden off of me. Jesus help me please to live every day for you, because I love you and want to honor and glorify you. Help me move past the loss of the old life and the old dreams and embrace my current situation. Not just embrace it, but be content and find joy in it. To live out who I am and be honoring and glorifying to you. And to love and enjoy your presence. You are more than enough Lord.
Marriage is not supposed to be about what he can do for me or what I can do for him. It’s supposed to be about what I can do to glorify God. And for that matter, my current singleness is also about what I can do to glorify God. Put your desires for marriage and restoration on the back burner. It’s not a bad thing to want a marriage, but it is when it consumes. The best thing is to want to exalt and glorify God in all things that I do. It’s not about me. It’s about God!