I’ve been so stressed out the last few days. I need to get it out of me, because Lord I feel like I am going to have a breakdown otherwise.
Chris texted me again this morning. It was the first time in about a week and I immediately responded to him. I don’t remember what the text said except that it was something about talking to the kids. So this morning I’ve been having this war going on inside me. On the one side, I want to do every single little thing perfect. “Lord, did I submit this to you before I sent that text? Was I even supposed to send that text? Am I supposed to send another one? Am I supposed to be still and quiet? Help! Help!”
God is so good and gracious and has been reminding me to keep my eyes fixed on him and that He is in control of this.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
And He just reminded me that this isn’t some kind of puzzle that I have to solve to perfection to unlock God’s blessings. If I did everything right, I would be God and I wouldn’t need God. No, his grace is sufficient for me. In my weakness, He is strong.
2 Corinthians 12:7b-10 I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
I am so weak. I want to do everything right. I want to make every step perfectly. Instead, I have to remember who is leading me and keep my eyes on him. Not every step is going to be precise or perfect. It also doesn’t have to be. I need to trust in the Lord and not lean on my own understanding. I have to acknowledge him and He will straighten out the path before me. God help me to just keep my eyes on you and stop thinking that I have to be perfect. And He will fill in all the gaps of my weaknesses. Where I cannot do really anything, He will do everything. His grace is certainly sufficient!
I also felt him telling me today that I will be very distracted with other things of life when my suddenly comes. I won’t be even worried about what is happening with him in those moments. I really hope so. I am at this point now where I am ready to give this all up and just focus on me, my kids, and our lives. I have been interceding for so long and I am tired. God please be my strength.