How do you know you're ready for another relationship? I got asked this question last week in one of my classes. It's a difficult question. I don't know the time frame and I don't know when you will be ready. What I do know is there are some foundation blocks that need to be laid before anyone is ready to build a house on the rock.
The first foundation block I know for certain is Identity. Where does identity come from? Knowing my favorite colors and candy bar? Doing an enneagram and personality exams? No!
I heard this song the night my ex husband was packing his bag to "go have some time to himself to think." That actually turned out to be a flight to Thailand to have a two-week long affair with the woman he'd met on his last deployment. But even as my husband was busy packing his bags, God was breaking my heart for Him. This song by Britt Nicole called "Through your eyes" came on at the end of a sermon I was listening to and God poured out his love over me.
"Get it together, that's what I say to me...Be who you're supposed to be. But that's when you came in. Right when I needed you...I didn't know love, but I do now...You broke apart the lies. You told me I had something beautiful inside. You brought to life a part of me I thought had died...I saw me through your eyes."
When I realized that God didn't just love the person who He called me to pray for, but He actually loves me! Wow! That made such an impact on me. Suddenly, I'm realizing He's created me for a purpose too. He created me for more then what I am living up to. Being in a marriage, with a man who doesn't appreciate me at all, wounds, breaks, pulls me down, keeps me chained to sin and sorrow and depression. I can't possibly become the person God intends me to be if I keep holding onto this thing, like it's supposed to be my God.
Suddenly, I'm realizing a marriage is supposed to be a man and a woman who are building each other up, pushing each other forward toward the goals God has for them, NOT tearing each other down. Not crippling one another.
And that doesn't just apply to sin. Yeah, my ex husband kept me in sin, but I've dated plenty of people. Some have kept me in poverty, because they don't have healthy spending habits. Some have kept me in emotional distress, because they are emotionally unstable. Some have kept me in devalue, because they don't see how valuable I am. Some have kept me from my purpose, because they are so self focused and can't even see me.
But when God became my husband, He told me wonderful things about myself. He told me He wants to be my King and if I will allow Him to be, that I will become His Queen. Wow!
He told me that I am precious and have precious gifts to give to the world that God will entrust me with. That He wants me to steward these things well for His kingdom, because He knows He can trust me to steward well. He's seen me do it before. Wow!
He told me that I need to see my great worth. I need to see me through His eyes. Remember that He created me! God of the entire universe, who placed every star in it's place! Who crafted all of life with his voice! He is the same God who looked at the world and said "I need to put Sharon in this" and created me. So I have to remember how important I am and don't let people who are less then God define me. Wow!
There are other foundation stones, but identity was the first one God worked on in me. Others He has since given to me are my purpose. Hope for my future.
On top of those, He has built satisfaction. Joy. Peace. Overwhelming love. Kindness and patience. Faith. Fruits of the Spirit.
My boyfriend and I broke up two weeks ago. My friends and family were worried. It was hard when my husband and I divorced. Would it be like that all over again? But God has done some amazing work in my heart. I am so satisfied. He is a wonderful man! A great man after God's heart for sure! But God has taught me recently that not every man inside the church is my husband. What a concept! He will be a fantastic husband to someone, but he wasn't the right guy for me and that is actually great with me! I don't need to be with a man to be happy, because I know who I am. It's who God told me I was! I am fully satisfied, because I have the Lord. I have all I need (and also all that I want)! Someday, maybe God will bring me a man who doesn't need me to be the center of his world, but is happy to have me as a blessing. I would be happy to be married to someone who I don't need, but can see as just a blessing in my life. I would be very happy with that, but even if I never get married again, I am so happy! I am so satisfied!