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I hate you and I miss you

LORD, please take control of me. I’m cleaning out the house today. I’m getting rid of some things, packing others. I keep finding his shirts. I keep finding our photos. How did we get here God? 9 months ago, we were as happy as can be. We were on our FamilyLife Marriage cruise. We were learning how to love each other. How did he go on deployment and forget just like that that we love each other? That we were happy? Less than 2 years ago, we were in the hospital after having our daughter. He cuddled in the bed with me and we loved each other. How did this happen?!?! God how?! We moved here for a fresh start. We were supposed to be happy. I meant it when I said forever no matter what. Lord Jesus I still mean it. Even after this divorce goes through, I will wait for him God. I had found the one whom my soul loves. Lord, you made me for this man and I know that. And I know for your sake, I have to let him go. So that you can do the work you have to do in his heart. But God don’t forget me. Right now, my heart hurts. It’s the deepest wound I have ever felt and it seems self inflicted. God help me to stand firm. I know you are doing work here. I know you are for me.

Isaiah 41:10

10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

I hate him Lord and I love him so much. I hate who he thinks he is. I hate who this demon that plagues him makes him believe he is. Lord don’t forget him. Speak the truth to him. Show him who he really is. Show him who you see him as.

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