God had this amazing breakthrough with me this morning and I am determined to press on and move forward.
I told you about the latest vision in the last post, but I will give a recap. This vision was especially personal to me, because it was very clearly about me and not so much about Chris and I.
The picture was a chasm that had ripped through the desert ground, causing a canyon to form between Chris and I. As I am looking back at the way I came from along the edge of the canyon, I can see ropes hanging across the canyon. Some are secure, but have been cut. Some are lying in coils on rock ledges below in the canyon. Some are on his side of the canyon also, cut or frayed. He had tried several times to come across the canyon to my side, but he had quit immediately and cut the rope or let it just fall into the canyon. The last rope, I cut and let fall. We both wanted to find a way for him to get across, but there is no way. As I look along the canyon on my side, out in the distance, I see the cross. I know which direction we are supposed to be going. I can see the canyon curving to the east towards Chris’s direction but it’s far in the distance. If he travels along the edge of the canyon, he will eventually get hedged in and have to keep traveling east for a long time to get around the edge where his side of the canyon rejoins mine. It is clear to me though that he has no interest at this point in coming back. He wants to go wander in the desert instead. The hopeful part about that is that wandering in the desert, he will likely find the place where the land joins back to itself much faster than if he just followed the canyon. It tells me that all I have been doing, trying to have him cross on ropes, crying out to him to follow me on his side of the canyon, it has all been wasting time. Letting him suffer the elements in the desert is going to get him to where God needs him much faster than anything I have tried to do. I have to give up control. And as I’m looking out towards the cross which is on my side of this canyon, I hear God calling me in a warm wind to follow him. So I stand and I walk. I move forward. Chris us been standing there watching me. Sometimes calling to me. Sometimes wandering away. Always trying to make sure I am close enough for him to keep me trapped, but I can not stay anymore. God has called me forward. He has better for my life. He has plans for this season.
Philippians 3:13-14 13Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. He gave me this thought about Chris as two separate people. The man he currently is and the man he will become. The man he currently is is in the past, waiting by the edge of the cliff or wandering aimlessly in the desert. He is behind me and I need to forget what is behind. I need to strain towards what is ahead. My Lord and also the man that Chris will become and God reminded me that I will not be the one to change this mans heart. That’s God’s role and only God can change a heart so pressing towards the man when he is still the way he is is pursuing what is behind. Gods called me to move towards what is ahead. Which makes my focus more about following Christ with everything in me and becoming the woman of God that He designed me to be. Someday I will be the woman that the future Chris needs and wants. I’ll never be that for him now just like I wasn’t in the past. It’s time to get up and move forward.
God will make Chris into a man that loves and desires me and needs me but He is busy working on me too and I don’t believe that I am just good enough. God always has something to teach us and He always wants us to move forward.