Being still for me is a big activity. In this Fresh Life Church sermon, Levi Lusko talked about 4 things that stand in the way of us having complete faith and focus on the Lord. These are huge for me. This stand of faith for my future marriage is difficult. It is a city in the sky that I know will come, but looking forward and knowing it will be and physically standing here and not seeing it are very contradicting ideas. God, I do trust you. But sometimes the things in this world trip us up.
Comfort. I would say this was a huge barrier for me for the last 8 years. I wanted so badly to hold onto my “white picket fence life” that I refused to step out in comfort and trust in God for what He could do in my family. In my husband. In me. In my marriage. I just wanted to be comfortable and stay in the same place. “Comfort zones don’t keep your life safe. They keep your life small.” He says the cure for this is compassion. Romans 12:1 “Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God–this is your true and proper worship.” To love another soul so deeply that you will take a risk and step out of your comfort zone and lay your life down for someone else. Thank you God for uprooting me from my comfort zone and setting me off into this storm of divorce. It’s been scary and difficult and painful at times. It’s also been amazing and beautiful and joyful at times. I realized the other day that I am already receiving a huge blessing from this. I am never going to be cheated on ever again! I am never going to have to feel that deep horrifying sink in my heart from losing the love of my husband to another woman. Thank you Jesus for breaking that off of me!
Clarity. We want to know where we are going, what we are doing, and how long it is going to take to get there. I am actually madly blessed that God did tell me where we were going. He’s given me very clear pictures for what the future is going to look like. It’s helping me stay the course and remember that where we are is not where we are supposed to be yet. But I don’t have clarity in that I don’t know how long this will take. I don’t know exactly what the future is going to look like. Yes, I have promises for the future, but I am taking a risk here. Connection with God is the remedy for the problem of clarity. Saying to God “I don’t know where we are going, what we are doing, or how long it is going to take. But I do know you and I know that your plans are good and for my best. I do trust you, so yes. Yes. Whatever you ask, the answer is yes. Ask me and I will go. Tell me, and I will obey.” James 1:25 “But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it–not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it–they will be blessed in what they do.” The cure for clarity is connection with God. When I am standing back and saying “God, you won’t tell me where we are going, but I trust you. I’ll go.” His blessings pour out. When I have a connection with you Lord, I don’t have to know the plan and it doesn’t matter if I know the plan. I can take this life one single day at a time and as long as I am pursuing you, I know I am going the right way. You take care of all the rest. I don’t have to do anything except follow after You.
Control. I have such a hard time with this one. But I have to remember. God you don’t need me. Somehow you want me. You love me. Somehow that frees me to take my hands off of my life and the way it should go. Somehow that frees me to lift up my hands and to give you control. When I am in control and in my flesh trying to accomplish, I think too small. You have so much bigger plans for me than the small things that I think are accomplishments. The works of my flesh often just produce problems. The works of your hands produce good and real change. But the thing I need to give up control is courage. I need to stand in front of my fear and roar back at it. I need to tell it to move aside, because I have a bigger God who is in charge here and He is at the wheel. “Humble yourselves, then, under God’s mighty hand, so that he will lift you up in his own good time. Leave all your worries with him, because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:6-7
This last one is the next chain that God is allowing to be broken off of me. Clinging to the past. I want to be fully present and not cling to what was. It was great in my own human sense and I want it back. I want my marriage back. But God has bigger plans than my small marriage. I honestly was even considering putting the divorce on hold and just being separated for a while, until I heard this message. But that is me clinging to the past. When God has asked me to step forward in faith and move forward with this. A consequence for my sins and a consequence for his. “We need to be marked by where we are going.” Hebrews 11:13-14 says “They confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth. For those who say such things declare plainly that they seek a homeland.” This land is all foreign to me and it makes me want to run back to the comfort of my old life. It makes me want to take back control. I don’t need clarity if I never take the risk. But I can’t go back to where I came from. I have to more forward.
Confession is the cure for clinging to the past, so I am confessing my desires to you Lord. I do want those old things back, but I know that You are doing something much greater here and that I need to trust that and stop looking backwards and instead look forwards and see You. Thank you for doing this work. Thank you for this trial and this storm. Thank you for this pain and hurt. It is making me into the person that you need me to be. It is making Chris into the man you designed him to be. You are teaching us both and working in both our hearts to mold us into your image. And thank you for this divorce, because it has given me a perspective on myself that I wouldn’t have had otherwise. It is forcing me to see the dark places in my heart. It is forcing me to be courageous and faithful. Thank you for not giving up on me and not being satisfied to leave me where I was. Thank you for seeing the potential in me and knowing who I am supposed to be and working on that to make me into who you know I am.