I searched the world, but it couldn't fill me. Man's empty praise and treasures that fade were never enough. Then you came along and put me back together and every desire is now satisfied here in your love.
There's nothing better than you.
You're the only one who can.
This song is resonating in my heart when I wake this morning. The last few nights have been a struggle to sleep. I've always had all of my life this idea that "there's something better out there". I'm sure this can be attributed to my personality type, but it's not an excuse.
I dated this really great guy in high school and into college. I couldn't tell you at the time why we broke up my sophomore year. All I knew was that my friends weren't huge fans and I wanted them to like me, so I "moved on". I realize now that it was a "grass is always greener" mentality. I didn't know what else was out there. He was the first boy I'd ever dated and I was starting to get some confidence in me. What if I was missing out on that something else, because I was tied down to this.
It happened again with my first job out of college. I was working in the costuming department at Busch Gardens. I mean what a dream job! I really loved it! Getting to be backstage, getting to repair costumes all day, not having people bark at me or complain, but instead thanking me. I was having so much fun, but I kept saying to myself "I am going to go places!" and eventually I left that job. Of course, it was to move back to Colorado, but still. I had made a home for myself there and I just had this anxious bug in me to keep "moving on".
It backfired again with my husband. This time, I committed myself fully to the relationship, even though he was a cheater. I married him, knowing that he was a cheater. I kept seeing the potential. "He will get better. He will get better." I was so convinced that there was a better man inside him just waiting for the right combination of my love to let him out.
Here I am now. 2:30am last night and I couldn't sleep and you'd think I would be praying or something, but no. I'm on the Christian dating sites checking out "the next best thing" and looking for that "greener grass". There's potential for a better marriage here you see. There's got to be something better. It's time to "move on".
Something I realized last night was that I find myself dissatisfied a lot. I have this amazing, beautiful life that I do not deserve in even the slightest, and yet I find myself dissatisfied! The real issue is I look at Facebook and see all the smiling faces and happy lives and think "they've got it made". Even when I am aware that Facebook is causing me issues and I dive off, I'm being infiltrated with all sorts of other media and images. Commercials are full of smiling couples gazing lovingly into one anothers eyes. Even movies and tv shows do it!
The truth though is that Facebook is showing me the bits of their lives that they want to show me. Levi Lusko talked about this in his sermon "Liquid Courage" (32:17 if you're interested). He has this amazing video on social media of him opening a bottle by hitting it on the top of a sign post. What he reveals in the sermon is that the true clip is 14 seconds long and he clipped it down to 4 seconds, because he had to hit the bottle again and again and again and again and again to finally get it to open. Social media makes us dissatisfied with our lives! We think our lives should be the 4 seconds always, when truly everyones life is the 14 seconds. We're all in this boat called life, being dissatisfied by watching everyone elses highlight reel and thinking that should be our lives always!
I've been sitting up watching all these romantic biography dramas recently, thinking I must have just been born in the wrong time period. I make myself laugh. The truth is really kind of sinister though. I am finding myself dissatisfied, because of the lies of the enemy. He shows us this couple in a movie who has been "happily married for 50 years" and you coo and cry over them and just adore them and wish you could find something so wonderful. The truth is that if you ask a happily married couple what 50 years of marriage looks like, it isn't that. The actors in movies are staring at a fresh face in front of them, smiling, and cooing, because they are in the honeymoon phase with this other actor. They haven't really been married with 50 years of struggle and hardship. I don't want to look to make-believe for what God has planned for me. Yes, He very well could have a 50 year marriage in store, but movies and commercials aren't going to tell me how that looks or how to make it work. All they can actually show me are fake people making up fake stories about fake love. It's not even real love. Can you believe that? It's honeymoon lust.
This song isn't just for me. I have searched the world, but it couldn't fill me. You've searched it too. I know you have, because we're friends on facebook so I see you seeing the same things I'm seeing. You have a list of movies and books and entertainments that you enjoy just as I do. We all have dreams and aspirations. Things we'd like to do, places we'd like to see, goals to accomplish. I'm not saying you shouldn't enjoy those things either. God made all of these good things for us to enjoy, but not to worship. We've searched the world. The problem is this world does not have what will satisfy. He's the only one who can.
Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
John 6:35 Jesus said, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst”
1 John 2:15–17 Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world — the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and the pride of life — is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away, along with it desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.