I know you’re able and I know you can, save through the fire with your mighty hand, but even if you don’t, my hope is you alone.
My friend describes the challenges of this life as the giants in the land. If you read the story of Israel and how they moved into the promised land, it was slowly and progressively. They didn’t burst in and suddenly take over the land. Why?
Dueteronomy 7:22 The Lord your God will drive out those nations before you, little by little. You will not be allowed to eliminate them all at once, or the wild animals will multiply around you.
God doesn’t allow us to rush in and just claim the promise for this reason – we are not strong enough to sustain it. We have to learn, often through experiencing the pain and the trials of this life, to become the people of God that He has designed us to be.
It all has become very clear to me after the encounter I had with Chris the other day. We kissed, we held each other, and we cried and begged for each other back. Yeah, that’s something you do with your ex-husband too right? But through all of that, the drop off at the other end of it, I realized that Chris hasn’t become the husband that I need yet. I am not the wife that he needs yet. I want very badly to be that woman, but I still have these very self-driven tendencies. They participated heavily in poisoning our marriage. His affairs of course did not help, but I can see very easily how those were often a response to my actions. Not intended to harm me, but his attempts at finding joy where he clearly wasn’t finding it in our marriage. And who can really find joy in a dry well? I was not full of the Lord and I did not know how to be the wife he needed. I am learning more and more how to be that woman. The woman that Christ designed me to be. When God asked me at the end of all of that, if I would like Chris back as he is right now, my answer, surprisingly even to myself, was no. I love this man terribly. I really do, but I need a man who is pursuing Christ and Chris hasn’t reached out for the Lord yet. Him coming home would ultimately lead to us divorcing all over again. I can’t follow a man and follow Christ, unless the man is also following Christ. That makes the answer pretty clear.
But the encounter did give me a lot of hope. I finally saw it the way that my friend describes it. The giants in the land. And when I am standing at the front lines, staring at the front line of giants, it is daunting and terrifying and I don’t understand how God will do this work He has promised to do. How will he restore our marriage?
I realize now that little by little, step by step, God is working. He is working from the inside out and I won’t see the victory right away, because He is busy, behind the front lines, causing chaos and confusion and defeating the enemy inside the front lines. I am only looking at the outside of this issue, but God is working at the heart. He will defeat them from the inside out. I was actually very blessed by that interaction, because I know that God is working still. Even though I can’t see what He is doing, I can trust Him fully. He is working.
So what is my next part in this?
Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”
Exodus 14:14 “The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.”
Ephesians 6:14-17 “Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God”
Matthew 22:37-39 “Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'”
Trust the Lord, Be Still, Stand my Ground, and Love. And one last part – Remember who He says I am.
Proverbs 31:25 “She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.”
Lord, I don’t know how you are going to defeat these giants in the land, but I know that you have already begun. Little by little, you will defeat them. And step by step, I choose to follow after you. As you do the work to destroy the enemy, lead me, teach me, and prepare me to enter the promised land that you are preparing for me. Give me the strength to be still and trust you. I know that you are working. Help me to stand my ground on your Rock. And help me to continue to show love, even to a man who I often don’t feel deserves it. I want to become the woman you made me to be. Amen