I know this maybe sounds cliche, but I think it's time Lord to put in my order. You know the desires of my heart, but my heart is hurting and I'm struggling to have hope in this. So I think I need to put down my desires on paper. God, You know better then me and even though I'm sharing this with you, ultimately I submit my desires to You and Your perfect plan for my life.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you, not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future."
You know what I want in a spouse. Someone who makes me laugh. Someone that I genuinely enjoy spending time with and can't wait to see again. Someone that, when there are plans to hang out, that my heart is giddy and looking forward to it. That will text me after a date or even call and want to continue the conversation. That can't get enough of me. Someone that I can't get enough of. That spark of excitement to be around each other and the smile that cracks across both our faces when we cross each others minds.
Someone that knows me. That, when I am hurting, they hurt. That when I am rejoicing, they rejoice. Someone that delights in seeing me smile, but hurts when I cry. Someone that I smile when he smiles and cry when he cries. Someone that knows how to enjoy life and appreciate the little moments and the big ones.
Someone that loves you. That sees me and my children as the greatest blessing of his life, not as a burden or something he can live with, but that actually delights in being with us. That knows the calling you've put on his life and accepts it with joy and excitement. I want him to see You in me and I will see You in him.
Someone to be spontaneous with. That can appreciate relaxing in and watching a movie, but that genuinely enjoys those crazy moments when I'm bored at 10:30pm and lets go for a drive around town or lets take a weekend vacation. That loves to see the spark in me. That has his own spark too and can ignite. Lord, you remember that 2am drive to New York City? Someone that wants that.
Someone that knows how to be serious. When life happens, as it does every day, that participates with me and You in whatever it is we need to do. That will be obedient to the calling of stewardship. That will join in bracing for the chaos of life. That wants to be a protector and a father and a husband. That wants to be part of what you're doing here.
He doesn't have to be loud or outspoken, but if he is, I would appreciate that. If he is more quiet and reserved, I would appreciate that too. Either way, someone that is open to me. That will share his heart with me and be honest about his struggles, his fears, his joys, his every day moments. Someone that I can be a helper for, that won't shut down or shut me out, but that will welcome me in to his life too. That I can be a support for him and an encouragement and his greatest cheerleader. Someone that has purpose, even if that purpose is just to enjoy the family you've blessed him with.
Someone that I click with. That we have common interests. That we can talk about You and worship You together, but that has his own self-fueled relationship with You too. That isn't reliant on me for that, but that will allow me to join him where he is and will join me where I am.
Where is he God? I know you've got him somewhere out there. I know you didn't rescue me from Egypt, just to leave me wandering in the wilderness. I know you have my Promised Land somewhere. Please God, I am so tired of wandering in the desert. I'm ready to walk into the Promised Land. And Lord, I know there will be giants in the land, but I will be like Joshua and Caleb. I know that You will call me to step in and I will. Please Lord, let it be soon.
Isaiah 60:22b "I am God. At the right time I’ll make it happen."