Where He saw me

Well, it was my birthday a few days ago. 35 years old. Woo! 35! That’s like middle aged heh.

Where did I see myself at 35? For sure, growing up I always saw me married with kids. For sure married! With a beautiful house and a good job and a husband with a good job! Maybe some pets, who knows. Debt free. 20k in the bank wouldn’t hurt. You know…American dream right?

Definitely didn’t see myself divorced! Ha! God, you got me! Divorce, AND a single mom. Wow! I thought single mom’s were all those irresponsible teenagers who get pregnant when they’re 13 and decide 2 years in that they’ve had enough and abandon the baby with some distant relative. No judgements if it was you, just so you know. This single parenting thing is the real deal, a God-calling for sure, and its a challenge. Really…how was I supposed to know I would be here.

You know the funny thing is though that God turns everything upside down, completely on it’s head, so that He can have his much better way in our lives. I’m not where I saw me. I’m where He saw me.

He saw me rocking this world with two amazing, God-fearing kids in tow! He saw my pain and sorrow and loss in divorce that was going to lead to a book, a ministry, to ministering to men and women who have gone through divorce, to encouraging, lifting up, and pointing others towards Christ.

Do you know God wasn’t really even a speck on my radar? Honest! It’s the truth! Of course, I assumed that at 35, with the husband and the kids, we’d be soccer mom-ing it to the church weekly. I assumed we’d be smiling pearly whites and waving at familiar faces and putting on the best sunday show we could muster. I assumed that we’d be saying our bedtime and meal time prayers and that we’d keep the Bible sitting on some coffee table somewhere for guests to recognize.

But having a relationship with God? Much less, an intimate one?! Yeah, He got me! You got me God! I didn’t see That coming!

You know what He’s taught me in all of that. Judgements are stupid. Plans are a waste of time. Even if I make the plans, God directs my steps. He knows what’s best for me, even when I’m too shallow, too self centered, too blind to see it. He is the truth. He wants to wake up the sleepers. He wants to open our eyes.

You know what I saw when He opened mine? Love! Truth! Light! God poured out of every light and dark place, out of every crevice and gaping hole, out of every tear and every laugh. God in the sun and the moon, in the mountains and the ocean, in the rocks and the trees and the grass and the birds and in all of creation. God in the wind and the songs and the seasons and the moving ocean. He’s all over our world. He’s all over my life. I looked back and saw His hand everywhere! In all of it! In the moments when I was certain I was making my own mistakes and forging my own way into my desires, God was gently turning and leading me back always to the cross. He never gave up on His prodigal daughter. He never gives up on us.

Yeah, God turned the whole thing upside down. I couldn’t be more grateful. Where I saw myself is like a flake of gold. Where He saw me is greater than a mountain made of diamond. No, working, single-mom, divorcee was not my plan, but oh wow! I am so glad to be here! It’s the best place He could have found for me! At 35, it’s where He saw me.

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