These are my notes on "I'm Taking Shape" by John Chasteen at Victory Church. God revealed so much to me through this sermon.
It's not Spiritual. It's emotional. Spiritually, me and you Lord, we love each other. I love you and have no problem declaring that to the world. But emotionally, I am weak. My heart hurts, because I love someone who doesn't love me. Emotionally, I hurt when things happen that make me feel bad. I react out of feelings of weakness instead of stepping back and making sound decisions out of faith.
God bring life back to this dry area of my life. I make so many decisions based on my emotions, instead of taking all feelings captive to you. If I can, instead of reacting, take it straight to you in prayer, you will always immediately calm the storm. If I invite you in the boat, the storms will die down and the answer will be clear. Help me to take my emotions captive to you.
Emotionally, I am dry. I have relied on other people, especially on Chris, to pour out water on that dry area, but he is drained and tired of pouring out on me. Lord, it is wrong! I shouldn't get my water from him. I need your living water that never ends to pour out on me. I need to be quenched with your waterfall that never runs dry.
I was so excited when I had this revelation. I almost called Chris to share it with him. I almost ran to tell him my news, as if somehow that would change his hear, but my intentions weren't for you. They were for me. But when I prayed and asked you to guide me, you got in the boat and immediate the answer came. Be still. Then it all made sense. Lord, you really can do this. Whenever I am feeling emotionally drained, I need to bring it to you immediately and invite you into my boat. You will calm the storm.
Often, I try to "fix it" myself instead of waiting on your time. Lord, you told me today again that it won't be long now. But I still don't know what that means. I do know that you are the potter and I am the clay. I am anxious for your good work. I am anxious for your promises, but I will not keep stepping in the way and trying to do myself what You are doing. I am not the potter. I am the clay. And thank you Lord too that I am the clay, because your plans for me are so much better than my plans for me.
God, I want so badly to know where this is going, but I don't have to know the plan. You have the plan and that is all that matters. I just have to be still and trust that you're making beauty here. I don't have to analyze and recognize everything going on. I just have to trust you and sit still on this potters wheel and let you form me. I may not be in good shape now, but I am taking shape. God, help me stop lying to myself and telling myself that I can figure this out. I want to be honest with myself and with you Lord and choose the path of truth. I do have this emotional problem. I don't believe I am worthy. I don't believe that I am good enough. But you promised me that I am. You told me I am. You told me that we were made for each other. You told me that what God has put together, let no man separate. You told me that you will restore our marriage. You told me I am good and I am well loved by you Lord. You told me it was covered. And I don't want to lie to myself or believe the enemies lies anymore. I want to believe your truth.
Instead of saying "I know what I will do", I need to say "God why is this a continual thing that's going on in me and causing me to lose my value in You and causing me to find my comfort in Chris or in other people instead of you in? Why do I feel lonely when my Heavenly Father is here for me?" Lord, You are the potter and I am the clay. Will you mold me and shape me so that my full satisfaction and joy is in you? Not in others! Only in you!
John 15:2 says "He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful." Lord, you took away Chris from me, because he was a crutch for me. I expected him to pour out on me, but he would not bear fruit, because I used him to emotionally satisfy a place in my heart that You need to satisfy. You broke him off of me for me! Yes, for him too, but really for me! So that you can be the one who satisfies my need for love and attention completely. You are pruning my family right now too, because you want to satisfy me. You are pruning my friendships, because you want to satisfy me. You want those branches to bear more fruit. Lord, one day you will allow a new branch to grow for Chris and I, not so that I can start to use him as a crutch again, but so that our lives and our testimonies can bear fruit for your kingdom. You are my joy. YOU are my joy.
Jeremiah 18:3-4 says "So I went down to the potter's house, and I saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him." God, you are so good! Our marriage is broken, I am divorced, I am emotionally damaged. So you will make me again into another vessel. As you see fit. And I will be better than I was before. Our marriage will be better. Our divorce will be no more. I will not be emotionally damaged, because I will be satisfied in you. My joy and satisfaction will be in you alone. Then I will be the wife he desires, because my desire is for You. I desire a husband who desires You. I need to be a wife who desires You first. Most.
Emotionally, you are shaping me so that when the fire does come up again and try to burn me, it won't burn. It will heat a little, but you will cover me when I cry out to you. When I put my feelings in your hands, you will cover me and I won't be burned. Psalm 91:4 says "He will cover you with his feathers and under his wings you will find refuge." You want to revive me emotionally. You want me to see my value and know that I only need you and your love, but all those other things will be added on. And then you want me to keep it. Keep knowing that you love me and that you are all I need.
Psalm 119:37-40 says "Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things and revive me in your ways. Establish your word to your servant who is devoted to fearing you. Turn away my reproach which I dread, for your judgements are good. Behold, I love for your precepts. Revive me in your righteousness." I am shaped to perfection. The circumstances that I am walking through are shaping me. It is preparatory work in my life. Lord, you are making me into something that you are going to use. A perfect vessel to carry what the world needs, your Spirit.
God, you have actually given me this love for others, not so that I can use it to be weak and under people and their control. Not so that I can find my value in them and feel worthless without approval. You've given me this love for people, because it is a gift that you will use to pour out your Spirit into others. I am not valuable, because of others. I am valuable, because you put your Spirit in me and I need to use that love for others to pour your Spirit out into others. They don't have something to give me (value - I already have that). I have something to give them (your Spirit).
When I take my pearls to others, don't cast it before the swine who will trample it. Show it to those who need it. Hold onto it until you see that need in others. When you cast it before swine, they trample it and make me feel worthless. But when I share it with those who want to see it, they see it for what it is. A pearl. Your Spirit.
Lord, you've broken through a wall in my mind. This is why I shouldn't talk so much. Not because what I have to say is not valuable, but it is too valuable to cast before swine who will not see it for the value that it has. Some will only see it as false hope, as foolishness, etc. and they discourage me into believing this. But it is not foolish. It is your promise to me Lord, and it is true and valuable. And those who will take it and receive it will receive your Spirit and will feel uplifted and encouraged. I have seen this so many times, so why do I let the enemy discourage me? Don't let those who don't receive the truth discourage you. It is still the truth. The enemy plays on my weakness and insecurity, but the truth is he is afraid of what the Lord is doing in me. Through me. Lord use me.